It’s a not-so-well-kept secret. Therapists are nosy. Maybe not all therapists, but c’mon. Who would want to go into a profession where you listen all day to other people’s problems, secrets, quandaries, and so forth? Nosy people. Sure, we want to help you, absolutely. But lots of people want to help others and don’t become therapists. Those people (after a socially acceptable number of minutes of other people going on about personal problems) say, “Dude, you should really go talk to somebody about that.” Therapists can’t say that. They are the somebody.

Over the therapist years, I learned so much more than my nosiness and desire to help others ever suggested I might. And I owe that to all my clients. Thank you, each and every one.

• Thank you for making me keep learning, all the time. Whenever you had a problem, it wasn’t that it became my problem, but if I didn’t know about it, I wanted to learn. From reading studies that taught me—for instance—that couples might feel better about each other from discussing movies about other relationships or from writing briefly about a problem from the other person’s perspective; from learning about the scourge and trauma of conversion therapy to really understanding manic episodes, you kept me learning. And learning and learning. That’s one of my favorite things in life. So thank you.
• Thank you for teaching me that all people have “bad” thoughts, but most people are good. Most of us are what we would call “in the range of normal” (remember the bell curve), even when depressed, anxious, bipolar, what have you. But most people don’t think they are normal. From feeling “evil” about wanting to hurt your ex- or boss or even your child: These thoughts are normal. It’s not what you think that makes you a better or worse human; it’s what you do. All of us have “bad” thoughts. Thoughts in themselves are not good or bad; they’re just human. Hopefully, I was able to pay this forward and help lots of clients accept their thoughts and themselves, warts and all.
• Thank you for increasing my patience. I never really had any. I’ve been in a rush my whole life. It’s bad. I need to slow down, and I’m working on it. Being a therapist helped. It helped me wait. And listen. And listen more. I might have talked too much, but hopefully about helpful things. Therapy takes the time it takes for that person, that trauma, that issue, that decision. Waiting patiently for change and growth to occur at its peculiar pace is a life lesson I take everywhere. Priceless.
• Thank you for making me a better person, better parent, better partner—in all my relationships. All that listening involved hearing what worked for other people, not just what didn’t. What worked in marriage might not work at a job. What worked in parenting (so kids still talk to you and act like they love you) might not work with a spouse. I learned how people dealt with infuriation without exploding. I learned how humans did things well, and even well-er. So many things. I use them in my own life (without divulging how I learned!). Eternally grateful.
• Thank you for allowing me to screw up, learn how to apologize, and repair. All therapists blow it. OK, I don’t know that for sure, but therapists are human (AI ones, though having some benefit, blow it for sure). I made mistakes I still think about. I even called people back to apologize. For having a bad day and being snippy. For a tiny part of me wondering if what they said was true. For judging them on their choices. I apologized and told them I was wrong. I hope they forgave me. I may never know. My missteps and attempts at repair schooled me not to judge others on one bad day, one bad behavior, or one bad comment—in or out of the office. Who knows what someone might be going through, anytime, anywhere? A huge gift.
• Thank you for giving me a place to go and do something useful when my own life was crumbling. I don’t love it, but I also don’t keep it secret: I’ve been married and divorced three times. Those choices are on me, and I gained four incredible children in the process. One of those kids has high-needs autism (and all kids are high-needs when you think about it, right?). Sometimes, it was a lot. Some days were just, well, horrible. With restraining orders and traumatized kids and stress up the yin yang and beyond (yes, thank goodness, I had my own incredible therapist through it all). At first I didn’t know how I might help anyone else on a day my own life was falling miserably apart. Guess what? Going to the office and seeing you was an absolute blessing. A reprieve, a gift. To set aside and know, for a few hours, I could lay down the burden and even use it (or not) in service to help others. Amazing.
• Thank you for the love. I worked—and still work—to deserve it. I cared deeply about the people I knew as clients, or I couldn’t have done a good job. In fact, I loved many. It was a pleasure and a privilege. There are infinitely more gifts I take with me than I have room for on this list. Hopefully, something I learned from you I also paid forward, so something you taught me may have helped countless others, too. You gave so much, more than you know. I hope I helped, healed, and held a safe space for you. Thank you, ever, ever so much.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.