Screens are a part of our children’s everyday lives. They can be educational, entertaining, and a meaningful way to connect with others. From my perspective, my focus isn’t on how much screen time, but rather, what is that screen replacing or what are our children avoiding? So, what is being replaced when our child has a phone in his or her face?

Social connection: We all know that when our face is inside a screen, we miss conversations, body language, and the appearance of being approachable. Our kids look down at the phone when they feel awkward or uncomfortable, but then they look unapproachable and unavailable, and the cycle continues. By putting down the phone, our kids can have those awkward face to face conversations that will ultimately become less awkward. They can read body language, have difficult conversations and resolve conflict together.

Physical activity: When we’re scrolling, we’re not moving. We’re not outside playing a sport or game, riding a bike, taking a walk. We’re sitting and draining our mental and physical energy. When our kids put their phones down, they find things to do. They find people to talk to. That movement helps to regulate attention, anxiety and overall emotions.

Independent play and problem-solving: If that phone is occupying free time, that means our kids are not making decisions, creating, or pproblem-solving Instead, they are mindlessly consuming content that they may or may not find entertaining.

Emotional regulation: Have you ever noticed that our children reach for their screen whenever they are anxious, frustrated, lonely or upset and don’t want to think about it. Those screens are a convenient distraction that may calm our children down, but they don’t allow them to feel the feelings, process the feelings, problem-solve through the feelings, and ultimately let the feelings pass.

Attention: Our phones have become the biggest source of distraction when the beeps, boops and dings let us know that someone has posted or has sent a text, DM or message on some forum. Our children’s ability to start and end a task without the distraction of the sounds has become nearly impossible. Have you ever noticed when your child is looking at his or her phone screen, how many notifications pop up? Absolutely overstimulating and too much information for anyone’s brain, and especially a young developing brain.

Sleep: Because there is no end point to any social media, it is entirely too easy for our children to spend long periods of time without noticing how much time has actually passed. Using the phone to settle down to fall asleep often ends up keeping your child awake which results in a whole slew of aftermath that impacts our children the next day.

So, What Can Parents Do?

Younger Children (Elementary Age)

• Play first outside, with toys, read, color, etc. and then screens for no more than 45 minutes to one hour. Set a parental control where the screen shuts down so that you don’t have to actively monitor or pull the screen away from your child

Middle School-Aged Child

• Phones can be turned in until extracurricular activities and homework are done.
• That means, sport, hobbies, in person conversation, hanging out with friends, ad dinner without a screen in hand.

High School-Aged Student

• Again, phones away during homework and extracurricular activities to make time for face to face conversations and sharing the day’s events.
• Invest time in volunteering, working, exercising and figuring out interests and future plans.

Remember, the goal is not to eliminate screens, but to set them aside to make sure that they aren’t taking the place of experiences that build a sense of self as a social person, a student, and a human at large.

Instead of asking only, how much screen time my child is getting? Ask what the screen is replacing and which skills you want your child to build by putting down the phone. What skills can we encourage our children to work on and practice? “What is that screen time replacing—and what skills can we intentionally give our child opportunities to practice?”

In essence, the question isn’t how much screen time is appropriate for your child, but the answer is: add more life experiences into your child’s life.