I was thrilled to see a recent Psychology Today Essential Read about social media users who watch others’ posts but don’t engage. It’s a behavior that, anecdotally, appears to be prevalent when I receive followers who don’t actually post on their own accounts. As well, my own behavior falls in the category, but only specifically as I am motivated to follow the lived experiences of my late friend’s now college-aged daughter. A swirl of emotions and thoughts explains my motivation. The explanation for my behavior wasn’t mentioned in the Essential Read; I will address it here.

Coping With Grief

I ran across research about the use of social media to mourn the loss of a loved one, or for support and connection when grieving (Kakar & Oberoi, 2016); the authors were clear that irrespective of the varying opinions on the sincerity of social media bereavement, such behavior is a reality. It was comforting to learn that researchers were able to discover in their review of existing literature that digital spaces can be extraordinarily therapeutic for grieving individuals. I then continued to look for additional research that might further explain my own behavior of silently viewing my late friend’s daughter’s public Instagram account.

Coping Without Posting

The social development of my late friend’s daughter, now an emerging adult, is in my thoughts when I view her public account. Because hers is a public account, this means I don’t have to request to follow her, and I haven’t clicked to follow the account. I check her posts for updates whenever I think of her and, by association, think of my decades of friendship with her late mother. I believe I am respecting her boundaries by remaining silent. I respect the sensitivity of the death of her mother when she was a teen. As such, I am forever associated with her mom, though not entitled to have access to her without it being mutually of interest.

Her mother was my friend, yes, but cognitively and emotionally, the reality of that friendship can’t have the same meaning for her daughter that it has for me. I understand that. So I enjoy viewing the posts. I smile as I see her international travels, as I see her with her college friends, as I see her accomplishments, and as I see what appears to be her happiness doing what emerging adults do during a U.S. college trajectory.

I enjoy seeing in some photos that she resembles her late mother, now that she is becoming a young adult. It helps me to feel a soothing of my still-present grief after five years. I also feel positive emotions knowing that my late friend would have wanted me to be interested in her daughter’s life. I know she would be proud of her as I am. Yet, I also respect her daughter’s boundaries by not intruding with comments, clicks, or requests to have contact with her.

During emerging adulthood, the frontal lobes are still organically maturing as well as maturing from influences of the social and cultural experiences of American college life in a new environment. I also know that ongoing coping with the grief of the loss of a parent during adolescence is complicated (Soetioso & Fithriyah, 2026). The developmental years of emerging adulthood have been labeled the age of identity exploration (Arnett, 2000). And I get to witness my friend’s daughter’s identity achievement from a distance. It is my means of coping with a loss while I respect this time in the daughter’s life as significant, necessary, autonomous, and special.

In conclusion, it would be nice to reconnect with her one day and catch up, but for now, I’m silently observing, smiling, mentally wishing her well, and, of course, coping.