There’s nothing wrong with your big feelings. In fact, emotions are a core part of the human experience. It’s what we do with our emotions that matters most.
When you understand your emotional reactions, you can express your feelings in a healthy way. People who are emotionally unstable don’t do this. They give into each reaction and often become explosive. This makes themselves deeply hard to trust.
8 things emotionally unstable people do these that make them especially hard to trust:
1. They have intense mood swings
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An emotionally unstable person will have intense mood swings. They’ll seem totally fine, but one minute later, they’ll be crying inconsolably for no clear reason. Those extreme emotional shifts often lead them to lash out at the people they care about, which eventually erodes their relationships.
At the height of a mood swing, an emotionally unhinged person might struggle to re-regulate, but over time, they can develop habits that help them stay centered and find emotional balance. They must realize that acknowledging their feelings is healthy, but getting stuck in them and allowing their moods to run their lives is not.
2. They overreact to minor setbacks
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When things don’t go exactly as they planned, this person will have a major meltdown. Their frustration tolerance is so low that they get set off by every little inconvenience.
Their reaction is always out of proportion to whatever’s going on around them. It could be an insignificant, everyday experience, like hitting traffic or having to wait in line, but they’ll explode with anger.
Getting angry isn’t always a bad thing, but an emotionally unhinged person’s anger manifests in hostile, aggressive ways. They ofte lose any sense of compassion and turn toxic, allowing their out-of-control anger to fuel every decision. They cut ties and burn bridges, leaving nothing but ash in their wake.
3. They get irrationally jealous
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How people handle jealousy can be a bright red flag for emotional instability. Feeling jealous sometimes is normal in relationships. Letting that jealousy override our common sense and basic respect for other people is not.
Feeling jealous doesn’t automatically make a person emotionally unhinged, but acting on that jealousy does. There’s a very thin line between feeling jealous and tearing a relationship to shreds.
When people are able to navigate their feelings with compassion and grace, jealousy can be an open door to walk through, an entry point for a couple to be vulnerable and get closer.
4. They’re impulsive
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For an emotionally unhinged person, acting impulsively is a way of life. Of course we all get wild ideas, but people who don’t have a strong grip on their reactivity give into too many of them.
According to the International Journal of High Risk Behaviors, an impulsive person has a limited capacity for risk assessment. Because they have such a hard time pressing pause and summoning patience, they make decisions from an emotionally reactive place. Being impulsive puts routine feelings of impatience into potentially dangerous motion.
5. They hold grudges
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Unstable people won’t just clearly say that they’re upset. Instead, they’ll take passive-aggressive behavior to new heights. See, they’re too emotionally immature to have a healthy approach to conflict management, so they’ll tell you they’re fine, then turn around and hold a grudge for the next ten years.
Being emotionally unhinged has turned them into a self-taught master of seething. They harbor simmering resentment for every single perceived slight that’s ever been bestowed on them.
It’s not like we have to forgive everyone who ever hurt us, but petty grudges can totally undermine someone’s happiness and make others mistrust them.
6. They create drama
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One of the most glaring signs someone is unhinged is the ways they’re the breathing embodiment of deceit. They say they hate drama, but they’re always spreading rumors and stirring up conflict. They pretend to be laid back, but the truth is, they thrive on chaos.
For an emotionally unhinged person, inserting themselves into other people’s business is their main source of entertainment. They have an innate talent for gaining people’s trust and getting them to open up, but they have no intention of staying quiet.
After someone spills their guts and bares their soul, an emotionally unhinged person texts everyone they know. They don’t see anything wrong with sharing secrets because their moral compass has no true north. They’d rather take a moment of thrill sharing someone else’s struggle than pause and consider the ramificiations.
7. They ignore your boundaries
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Boundaries are the basis of every healthy relationship, romantic or not. Setting boundaries is a way to hold onto your integrity, so that you don’t get lost and find yourself riddled with resentments.
You can’t set boundaries without self-respect, otherwise you’ll fall into the trap of ignoring your own needs to please your partner. Boundaries let you love yourself and your partner at the same time, but an emotionally unhinged person insists that setting boundaries makes you selfish.
When you set boundaries, it lets your partner know what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’ll walk away from. By crossing your boundaries, an emotionally unhinged person erodes whatever trust your relationship was built on. It doesn’t matter how often you reinforce your limits, they’ll find new ways to push against them, just to see how far they can go.
8. They’re dishonest
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What’s one little white lie, right? Well, with emotionally unstable people it’s pretty much never just one and very rarely little.
They’re fully fluent in saying one thing and doing the exact opposite, without any consideration for your feelings. They put their whole chest into being dishonest, making promises they never intend to keep, then somehow making their failures your fault.
They’ll do anything in their power to avoid owning up to their mistakes. They twist facts and exaggerate reality. Whenever they talk about their past, they leave out crucial details and gloss over the things they did wrong. Their ultimate goal is to make themselves look good, which means they have no trouble telling lies.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.