I’ve had many conversations with parents, educators, and caregivers about technology. How much is too much? When should kids have a phone? How do we get them off their devices? Is it too late to change how we use screens in our household?

We know that screens and technology are part of the ecosystem of our homes and everyday lives, and they aren’t going anywhere. I think what so many of us want, for our kids and ourselves, is to be able to use these tools mindfully, show up for the relationships, experiences, and moments that matter, and end the day feeling we did enough.

My first gentle reminder is that screen use is a behaviour, and behaviours can be learned and unlearned. It is not too late.

I recently had the opportunity to talk with social worker, psychotherapist, and author of the forthcoming book Connection Crash, Jake Ernst, about technology, relationships, and the skills we need to keep practicing in a digital world. Our conversation focused less on how much screen time and more on what we are doing on our screens, what we might be missing when we’re on them, and whether our relationships are still intact. This makes it less about shame or getting the perfect balance and more about reconnecting with what we already know helps us feel well and protecting the relationships that matter.

Here are five places we can begin:

1. Get curious about your patterns.

When is the device being reached for? Is it boredom, stress, a need for connection, or an escape from a tough emotion? What is the feeling afterward: energized, depleted, or distracted? Before picking it up, try asking: “Why am I reaching for this right now?” Attaching an intention to each pick-up brings mindfulness into the behaviour. Awareness gives us the chance to choose differently.

2. Reconnect with your favourite self.

One of my favourite questions to ask young people is: “Who are you when you are your favourite self?” I have heard such beautiful shares about being involved in their sport, laughing with friends, playing a musical instrument, drawing, playing games with family, being kind to others, spending time outside, creating something. You may not be surprised that mindlessly scrolling or being zoned into their devices rarely comes up. This gives me hope. It is a reminder that the parts of ourselves we love most are often found in moments of connection, creativity, adventure, presence, and play.

When you find yourself automatically reaching for your phone to scroll, try pausing and asking: “What do I need right now?” Then consider what your favourite self might do to satisfy the same need.

Perhaps you need comfort, and you could journal, listen to music, or cuddle a pet. Maybe you need entertainment, and you could cook something new or play a game. If you’re feeling restless, try stepping outside or moving your body. If you’re unwinding at the end of the day, perhaps reading, stretching, or reflecting on something you’re grateful for would feel good.

3. Ask: What do I need from my day?

One of the things I appreciated about my conversation with Jake was his invitation to think less about what we to restrict and more about what we actually need. He suggests that, over the course of a day, we benefit from having something hard, something fun, something for ourselves, and something for others (Perspective Shift, 2026).

Something hard might be having a conversation we’ve been avoiding, trying something new, or doing something that stretches us. Something fun might be playing a game, laughing with a friend, getting outside, or doing something just because we enjoy it. Something for us could be quiet time, reading, resting, or tending to something we need. Something for others might be checking in on someone, helping out, or sharing a meal. These don’t all need to happen without technology, but small moments of challenge, enjoyment, self-care, and connection can help us feel more grounded and set us up well for the next day.

4. Make room for boredom and discomfort.

So many of the little opportunities we once had for stillness or reflection are now filled with information and stimulation. For children especially, boredom can feel uncomfortable, but it can also be where creativity and imagination emerge. It gives opportunities to figure things out, tolerate a little discomfort, and discover interests without someone else deciding.

This is also part of learning self-regulation. When a child isn’t able to tolerate boredom, settle big feelings, or fall asleep without a screen, they may be missing opportunities to practice those skills. The same is true for grown-ups. Not every pause needs to be filled with a podcast, a notification, a video, or a scroll. Sometimes a few unfilled moments are exactly what our brains, hearts, and bodies need.

5. Protect the moments that matter.

Research and professional guidance around digital use encourage us to think about not only what technology adds, but what it may displace, including movement, sleep, hobbies, and face-to-face connection (Ontario Psychological Association, 2024). Consider choosing a few moments that you want to protect. Perhaps it’s the first few minutes of your morning before opening yourself up to the world. Maybe it’s mealtimes as a family, the walk with your dog, or the last few minutes before bed. These small pockets give us somewhere to practice putting our attention where we actually want it to be.

Final Thoughts

Technology can connect us, entertain us, help us learn, and make parts of our lives easier. When it starts replacing the experiences, skills, and relationships that serve us well beyond the screen, that may be our cue to pause and reassess. Some families will need firmer guardrails. For others, technology may not be creating as much disruption. There is no one-size-fits-all answer.

My gentle invitation is to notice what your screen use, and your child’s, is making space for and what it might be replacing, and where you can, make a little more room for the life and relationships happening beyond them.