Choosing Yourself Can Strengthen Bonds With Others
When I hear clients say they feel lost in their significant relationships, I get more confused looks when I reply, “You might consider choosing yourself.” Self-neglect, or not choosing yourself, is an insidious dynamic, often camouflaged by hard work and helping others. Before exploring what choosing yourself actually is, it might be helpful to say what it’s not. It isn’t excessive narcissism, which is the desperate search for the self, an obsession with acquiring a valued sense of self. What Choosing Yourself Looks Like Choosing yourself is similar to choosing anything. Here are some characteristics of choosing ourselves. Worth your attention. Like most things we choose, when we choose ourselves, we believe we are worth our attention. Attending. Several aspects of our character are waiting for our attention. We can consider our emotions by feeling them, naming them, and talking about them. Needs and desires also wait to be realized. We also create stories about ourselves, others, places, and things. There are actions to consider. Allow attention to generate intention. When we give ourselves attention, …




