We’ve all had those days when we didn’t sleep well, are just tired, burned out, or a bit down, and don’t have the energy or motivation to do what we need to do. But if it’s more persistent—you routinely haven’t kept up with paying your bills or even filing your taxes, you’re always way behind on your mileage report for work, and you keep putting off cleaning out the garage—maybe it’s time to put it to rest.

You’re not alone—I see many clients with the same complaints: They’re not getting done what they know they need to do. The consequences vary: scolding emails from HR about the mileage report, notices about late payments, the garage is a mess, almost unusable, and your partner is getting fed up. But like most problems, the not-doing isn’t the real problem; it’s the outcome of another problem lurking beneath. Here are the most common culprits and their antidotes:

1. You simply don’t want to do it

Your partner wants the garage cleaned, but if you were alone, you wouldn’t give it a second thought. Ditto for the mileage statement, since it has low impact on your work. What motivates us are our own problems, not someone else’s. Being pushed to solve someone else’s problems can lead to passive-aggressive resistance and resentment. You don’t do it because you don’t want to or don’t see it as a high priority.

Antidote

Start by being honest with yourself about how you really feel, rather than wallowing in procrastination, guilt, and ambivalence. If you’ve been dragging your heels or making excuses, admit to yourself that you don’t want to do it. Next, step back and move from your emotional brain to your rational one. You may not care about the garage, but you care about your partner. You know it’s important to them, and, following your values, you’re willing to step up and do it. Or be assertive, express how you’re feeling, and work together toward a win-win compromise.

Apply the same perspective change to the mileage form: Yes, it’s another bureaucratic pain for you, but you realize someone in HR is simply doing their job, and part of doing your job and supporting your work colleagues is not making their lives difficult.

2. You’re overwhelmed

Just looking at the garage, the pile of bills, or the mileage spreadsheet that HR sends out overwhelms you; you don’t know where to start; it seems insurmountable; it only stirs up anxiety that shuts you down.

Again, feeling overwhelmed is not the problem but a byproduct of others. The common culprits are several. One is a lack of skills: The spreadsheet or the taxes are a nightmare for you because you simply don’t know how to tackle them. Or, perhaps you get flooded with anxiety that makes the bills feel like a mountain rather than a stack of individual papers. Maybe you’re somewhat perfectionistic or sensitive to others, and the garage seems like a Herculean task you will never do well enough. Or, you think that partner, who tends to be critical, will undoubtedly say something that undermines your efforts.

Antidote

Figure out where you’re getting stuck most. If it’s about skills, get help to learn them—contact your IT folks and have them train you on spreadsheets, look up YouTube videos, or, if you can, delegate and find a professional to do your taxes. If it’s anxiety, take a deep breath to help get out of your emotional brain, and plot out baby steps—peel off two bills a day.

And if it’s about your or your partner’s perfectionism, talk yourself off the ledge by realizing that the garage is a first-world problem and that any improvement is good enough, or get your partner to support or physically help you.

3. You have underlying emotional problems that are sabotaging your efforts

Here, we’re talking about ongoing, often untreated emotional and mental health issues. If you have AD/HD, for example, your brain struggles with focus and is prone to anxiety and distraction. If you’re depressed, you think, why bother—there’s always something else that will dump on you or make your efforts not good enough. If you have OCD, your compulsions can take over even small tasks and derail your progress. If you have an addiction that pulls you into building your everyday life around getting those dopamine-pleasure-centered hits, you may fail to get necessary things done.

What these have in common is that they make you constantly preoccupied or derailed. You can’t focus because you either hyper-focus or mentally wander off when the task of bill-paying or spreadsheets no longer provides the stimulation you need. Your depression undermines your determination. Your OCD makes your obsessions cloud your priorities because your priorities are about reducing the obsessions with your compulsions. Your addiction makes itself the center of your world, and everything else becomes secondary.

Antidote

These are major issues and are likely undermining vast swathes of your life. Time to tackle them directly with medication, skill training, and therapy.

4. You’re entitled or narcissistic: You do only what you want to do

This is a tough one. We’re talking about primary wiring—personality disorders fueled by genetics or trauma. It’s tough because you don’t usually see it as a problem; it is the way you view the world and others. You believe you’re entitled to do what you do; you blame others for the problems they throw at you. You seem like a bully to others and can feel like a victim when things don’t go your way.

Antidote

Ideally, you step back and recognize what’s yours and what’s not. You try to change your perspective or work through your trauma so it loses its grip. It’s doable, but a challenge.

Stepping up

The theme is that “not-doing” can be fueled by myriad underlying problems. The key is to step back, rationally assess how and why you are getting stuck, and then proactively tackle these drivers.

You start by getting support, by learning skills, and by changing how you talk to yourself and how you see the challenges before you.

If not now, when?

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.