The kind of life a man has lived says a lot about his character, especially if he’s never really had to worry about anything or work hard for what he has. While a life without trauma, internal struggles, or hardship might sound great, people can gain several benefits from experiencing adversity.
It’s possible to be self-aware and empathetic without struggle, but sometimes a lack of adversity can be a red flag that someone hasn’t developed the emotional regulation, problem-solving, and reflective skills necessary to build a truly healthy relationship, so when you notice the subtle signs of a man who never had to struggle a day in his life, it could be worth your while to examine if he’s had other opportunities for personal growth.
Men who’ve never had to worry or work hard have these 11 telling habits:
1. He struggles to understand other people’s problems
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According to a study published in the journal Emotion, empathy is often bred from hardship. Living through traumatic experiences and overcoming obstacles equips people with the compassion necessary to understand and address other people’s struggles.
In contrast, people who’ve never experienced hardship or had to struggle in life often find it difficult to be empathetic towards other people’s adversities, whether that means they’re not giving friends grace for mistakes, setting unrealistic standards at work, or operating from an entitled and arrogant perspective.
Of course, you can gain empathy through open conversations and interactions with others, but only if you’re willing to actively listen and understand others without sharing their experience.
2. He avoids taking risks or challenging himself
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According to a 2021 study, we often fear what we don’t know or understand, making it hard for people who’ve never experienced defeat or hardship to take risks or put themselves in situations that make them feel uncomfortable or uncertain.
Rather than embrace uncertainty, take risks, or see adversity as an opportunity for growth rather than perceived failure, these people completely avoid challenges, stay in their comfort zone, and live a more stagnant life.
While people who’ve been through struggles and trauma can see the growth and perspective they’ve earned as a result of their adversity, one of the subtle signs of a man who has never had to struggle a day in his life is his ignorance of the benefits of challenge.
3. He doesn’t know what to do with himself when he’s alone
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A study published in Scientific Reports suggests that solitude and alone time can offer many benefits when used wisely, from reducing stress to sparking more self-reflection and giving people space to practice emotional regulation. For people who’ve been through hardship and trauma, using alone time can be an opportunity for growth, letting them have a chance to connect with themselves, learn about what they need, and invest in passions and hobbies that boost their overall mental health.
However, for men who’ve never struggled and have always counted on others to solve their problems, entertain them, or validate their identity, alone time can feel uncomfortable. Because they’ve never had to reflect on their thoughts, actions, or behaviors in the face of hardship, they’re less likely to find solace in solitude or introspection.
4. He rarely reflects on his own behavior
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Harvard Business Review experts argue that self-reflection and consistent introspection are essential for developing self-awareness, emotional intelligence, empathy, and compassion. Without understanding their own identities, thoughts, and actions, they can’t build truly genuine, deep, and meaningful relationships.
Considering hardship and trauma often alter a person’s sense of self and identity, it’s not surprising that self-reflection is necessary for their growth and healing. They may need to reassert their needs and identity amid hardship, gain perspective, learn from adversity, and develop empathy for others facing similar struggles.
Of course, self-reflection can be uncomfortable for anyone, so avoiding it isn’t necessarily a clear sign that someone has never been through hardship.
5. He struggles to form deep relationships with others
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People who’ve never faced struggle or hardship can still be well-educated, successful, thoughtful, and confident; however, they often struggle to form truly deep, meaningful connections with others without the grounded empathy and shared experience others have.
From excelling at work to making new friends and embracing vulnerability in an intimate relationship, shared experiences often form the foundation of true connection. It levels the playing field, reminding both parties they share commonalities, something to bond over, and similar experiences they can empathize with.
Given that vulnerability and discussions of shared hardships and experiences are key to building better relationships, it’s not surprising that many men who’ve never had to struggle can only form superficial relationships defined by specific environments, activities, or language.
6. He gets defensive whenever someone disagrees with him
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Resorting to defensiveness during arguments or avoiding conflict entirely is a subtle sign of a man who has never had to struggle a day in his life. Overwhelmed by the emotional and interpersonal stress of a conflict, especially considering they’ve never had to work through them before, can be disorienting and anxiety-inducing.
As is the natural response for many people in the face of fear, these men turn to anger, frustration, and irritability when they’re forced to be vulnerable or empathetic to another person’s concerns.
While it’s still possible for these men to learn communication skills and the empathy needed to healthily resolve conflict, it’s often something that people who’ve experienced trauma or hardship have had to learn from a young age, whether as a coping mechanism for stress or by unlearning other toxic behaviors.
7. He takes even constructive criticism personally
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Accepting constructive criticism and feedback depends on the behaviors, traits, and skills that people who’ve faced adversity tend to develop, such as self-reflection, engaging in vulnerable discussions, taking accountability, and resolving conflict.
While crafting feedback that lands well is a struggle for anyone, men who’ve never struggled in their lives are often hypersensitive to criticism or feedback.
Without having to self-reflect on their own faults and inappropriate behaviors in the face of conflict, because they always have someone else solve their problems or protect them from discomfort, they find it nearly impossible to navigate a conversation where they’re forced to both take accountability and learn from their mistakes is nearly impossible to navigate.
8. He thinks he’s better than other people
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Research published in the European Journal of Personality suggests that the opposite of arrogance is affiliation — the desire to empathize and get along well with others. Considering one of the subtle signs of a man who never had to struggle a day in his life is a lack of empathy and consideration for other people’s struggles, it’s not surprising that they also tend to be more arrogant and overconfident.
Without facing adversity and conflict that force them to honestly reflect on their shortcomings or mistakes, they may develop a misguided sense of superiority, becoming overly confident in their abilities, knowledge, and skills despite lacking emotional awareness, empathy, and true internal security.
This arrogance and lack of empathy also tends to sabotage their relationships later in life. They’re less willing to accept help from others, set aside their own ego to support peers, and engage in vulnerable discussions about honesty, accountability, and self-reflection.
9. He relies on other people to solve his problems
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It’s not surprising that people who always had someone to fall back on or to fix their problems struggle with true independence later in life. They’ve never had the chance to build confidence in their judgment by making decisions and taking accountability without someone else’s support.
When they’re faced with a conflict or struggle later in life, they’re uncertain and insecure, unsure of how to best handle discomfort, cope with anxiety, or persevere, even in the face of their fears.
This lack of independence can manifest in many ways, but most commonly it leads men who’ve never struggled to form co-dependent relationships with others willing to reassure them and solve their problems.
10. He constantly needs other people’s approval
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Many people who’ve never faced hardship had someone or something to fall back on when they made a mistake or ran into trouble, whether it was an overbearing parent, wealth, or privilege. They always framed their perceived struggles or obstacles alongside someone else.
Because their lives were always defined by and dependent on other people, it’s not surprising that seeking validation and attention from others is also a sign of a man who never had to struggle a day in his life. Without others’ assistance, support, or approval, they’re unsure of how to navigate the world.
According to experts from the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, many self-aware and independent people still seek reassurance from others, but it’s never the motivating factor behind their decisions or triumphs. People who’ve never faced struggles often seek reassurance from others because they haven’t learned to rely fully on themselves, their judgment, or their problem-solving abilities.
11. He blames other people for his mistakes
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According to psychotherapist Dr. Sharon Martin, there are several reasons someone might fail to take accountability for their mistakes or take responsibility for different parts of their life. In fact, someone who’s experienced trauma may adopt this behavior to cope with emotional turmoil or to avoid unnecessary judgment, criticism, or shame for their mistakes. Failing to take accountability is a subtle sign of a man who never had to struggle for another reason, because it breeds entitlement.
Many people who’re innately privileged or coddled from adversity get defensive when confronted with their ignorance, so it’s not surprising that they’re uncertain about acknowledging their shortcomings or facing their lack of experience.
Shame is powerful. When someone feels ashamed about their privilege, lack of experience, or behavior, they are willing to do whatever it takes to keep themselves from facing it, even if it means blame-shifting to others or painting themselves as a victim.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human-interest stories.