There is no shortage of influencers out there providing advice and hawking products to improve our lives. So, whether it is how to maximize fitness gains, how to sleep better, or how and when to meditate, we are seemingly all on a quest to feel happier. Yet, what if there’s another way to feel better that we may not think about enough?

Here’s a newsflash: If you want to really move the feel-better needle, then help someone else. You don’t have to do huge things to help others. I’m saying the more we notice people who could use something from us, the more it can positively change our moods, especially if we act on that urge to help them.

We Love Watching Other People Help, But How About Us Stepping Up?

There are endless videos online of people doing kind things for strangers, including paying for gas, cleaning up yards, and providing money to those in need. These stories are heartwarming. But what if we are watching popular videos about kindness and not enough understanding the power of doing kind things ourselves? Do we want to settle for those vicarious doses of feeling moved by the kind actions taken by others and then just call it a day?

In my new book, Help Them: And Watch Your Own Life Get Better, I further discuss the powerful emotional health benefits we gain by directly helping others. Maybe someone you know could really feel good getting a phone call. Is someone you know going through a tough time and could really perk up with some encouragement? Or, and this is tough for all of us, maybe somebody needs the wonderful gift of you “just listening” without immediately jumping in with advice.

Helping Others Gets Us Out of Our Own Heads

I don’t know about you, but for years I’ve been internally preoccupied (OK, I’ll admit it—often consumed) by my own thoughts. It seems to me, the questions that really weigh on all of us are things like: Am I really happy? Or, did I mess that up? And, of course, we go down “Regret Alley” with thoughts like, “If only I didn’t mess that up, I’d be so much better off.” That said, do you agree that there is a point where self-focus becomes its own trap?

By helping others, at least for a while, you are thinking about something besides yourself. This notion is supported by research on kindness and helping behavior that has linked helping others with our own greater well-being. How about right now, you get back in touch with a time when you knew you made a difference? Didn’t it feel pretty darn good? Next, let’s look at how to keep helping helpful versus it ever becoming harmful.

Helping Can Go Too Far

Like most things in life, there can be too much done sometimes when it comes to helping others. I have seen this play out with many of my parent-coaching clients, for whom helping is not always healthy. Specifically, I see this all the time with parents of struggling adult children: A parent pays another bill, makes another phone call, fixes another problem, or bails their child out of another mess.

The danger is that sometimes helping becomes rescuing. Sadly, and I will even say tragically, rescuing can keep another person from developing the skills they need. So the more useful question is not “How can I help?” but “Will my help actually help?” In some cases, giving support may be best through giving our listening ear than giving from our wallets. Further, sometimes we may help best if, after weighing the situation, we say no.

Acts of Helping Don’t Have to Be Huge to Make a Big Difference

When it comes to our perceptions of what helping is, we tend to think meaningful acts have to be dramatic. But they don’t have to be huge acts of kindness. How about you send that text you’ve been loosely debating sending to someone who may feel really good about hearing from you? Better yet, call them and let them hear your supportive voice. While you’re at it, maybe tell that person why you really appreciate them.

It feels good to share that a teen counseling client of mine just told me the other day how great he felt by helping an elderly neighbor who had recently lost her husband of 40 years by raking some leaves; he politely refused her offer to pay him. A parent I work with recently shared how good she felt about becoming more patient with her children when they would go into their long, colorful stories.

Final Thoughts

I hope this post inspires you to help others because it may turn out to be the best self-improvement plan you could ever embark on. When you do help others, you will feel less in your head because your focus has meaningfully shifted. The more we help others, the better we feel. So, please: Help them.