I still can hear my mother’s kindly voice reminding me, “Susan, finish one thing before you go on to another.”

I do not have ADHD. Yet as I look back on the many projects I’ve had the honor to complete in my 80+ years of life thus far—6 books, 300+ blog posts on this website that have attracted over 27 million reads, lectures across the globe, enabled a cure for vulvodynia, created a name for the phenomenon of adult sibling alienation, not to mention the many clients I’ve been honored to have been able to help so that they have more satisfying life journeys and marriage relationships—still, I increasingly appreciate my mother’s sage advice.

Or maybe I do have ADHD, not of the hyperactive type but rather of the second kind: scattered focus. How easily whatever is in my line of sight can entice me to switch my focus to it and away from whatever task I had been doing. As I’m writing this blog post, the stunning yellow and pink flowers outside my office catch my eye. It’s hot outside today. How tempting it is to get up and give the blossoms a much-needed extra watering. Yet if I do, how likely is it that yet another tempting task will enter my consciousness before, and most likely instead of, remembering to return to the writing project? Far too likely.

Psychological researchers may use terms such as mind-wandering, spontaneous thought, thought variability, thought dynamics, off-task thought, or excessive mind-wandering to describe this phenomenon. Whatever the terminology, however, the phenomenon is the same. It’s all different ways of labeling violations of my mother’s rule.

New Understandings from Distractability Research

A study I found recently on this issue by Kerebel et al. (2024) delights me. Their findings suggested two new perspectives on the tendency to get distracted that my mother’s sound advice addressed.

• The heightened variability of spontaneous thought associated with ADHD is also present in the general population as a continuum.
• Stream-of-thought dynamics is linked to a general tendency for exploration.

First, I like very much the idea that the fact that my mind is easily distracted does not necessarily mean that I should give it the pathological-sounding ADHD label. Distractability exists in just about everyone, with a spectrum of the extent to which it is just a normal part of brain function versus a phenomenon that undermines effective functioning.

That is, rather than being either/or, I have ADHD or I don’t, this way of regarding the phenomenon normalizes it, validating that everyone tends to be distractible. It’s just a matter of how much, and probably also of what one does once distraction occurs. Follow my mother’s rule, and distractibility is fine. When your mind wanders, remind yourself, I tell myself, to finish one thing before you go on to the next.

Second, when someone’s mind shifts easily from idea to idea, that can be a good thing. It indicates a potential for creative thinking, that is, for the ability to discover new ideas and new ways of seeing whatever lies in front of us. That explains why so many original thinkers are likely to have diagnosable ADHD. Elon Musk, for instance, the creator of Starlink and so many other novel inventions, immediately comes to mind.

What about the age factor? Is my mind’s habit of leading me astray from what I have been trying to do becoming more pronounced with age? Research by Hoyer et al. on the impacts of aging on the tendency to become distracted says yes. My personal experience definitely validates this possibility. At the same time, however, as their research points out, impulsivity actively declines with age. More thinking creatively plus less tendency to act impulsively may well be a good combination!

And so…

Be kind to yourself. If your mind tends to shift from topic to topic more readily than seems normal, reassure yourself that such shifting can be just fine, and even a source of your creativity.

Just be sure to remind yourself that thoughts are one thing and actions quite another. If your attention, i.e., your thoughts, are straying from the task you have in front of you, remind yourself of my mother’s words.

Finish one thing before you go on to the next!