Why do professionals behave so unprofessionally? Is it not implied that one of the main tenets of spending years in school to earn an advanced degree is to learn how to exercise basic civility in everyday life? In fact, is it also not implied that one of the core principles of anyone interacting with people in life is to demonstrate basic civility?

I recently had an incredibly unpleasant experience with another attorney. From the get-go, they were angry and nasty. No pleasantries. No Southern, honey-dripped, “How are y’all?” No Northern, brisk “Hello.” No explanation for their actions taken on behalf of their client—or their lack thereof.

Trying a case against another attorney is not personal. Of course, it can be frustrating, exhausting, and triggering. But at the end of the day, each side is simply zealously representing their client. It isn’t personal. At least, it shouldn’t be.

So why does opposing counsel treat me with such outright hostility? As if it’s personal? And why does a quick look at their client reviews reveal a laundry list of complaints about being unresponsive and a poor communicator? Because this isn’t a strategy—it’s a pattern.

Courtroom Strategy vs. Behavioral Patterns

In psychology, we look at this as a fundamental failure of emotional regulation and compartmentalization. Some professionals simply lack the psychological maturity required to separate an adversarial role from the human being across the aisle. To them, a professional counterpart isn’t just doing their job; they are an obstacle to their ego. Furthermore, the lack of communication highlighted in their public reviews reveals a deeper truth: This isn’t a courtroom strategy. It’s a chronic behavioral pattern.

Bad Behaviors Everywhere

The simplest explanation is that some people are just inherently awful. And lately, it feels like society is full of them.

Have you noticed how drivers are quicker to cut you off these days? Or how people stand right on your heels in the grocery store checkout line, impatiently willing you to move faster? How about those not-so-silent “hmphs” in your ear as you snake through the TSA line at the airport? As if these spoken or unspoken displays of impatience will somehow change the outcome and magically make the world move faster for them. And then you hit the absolute peak of class: the people flipping you off and screaming obscenities at you in the parking lot.

What we are witnessing on a macro level is the erosion of our collective social muscles. Years of digital isolation and unchecked online hostility have created a sort of real-world “disinhibition effect.” People are increasingly treating face-to-face interactions with the same consequence-free aggression they use behind a keyboard or a steering wheel.

A Temporary State or a Trait Behavior?

I would argue that acting with kindness and professionalism in the workplace is the ultimate indicator of integrity. And frankly, you should not trust those who do not possess it. In psychological terms, we have to differentiate between state and trait behavior. A one-off bad day is a temporary state; we are all guilty of occasionally succumbing to our inner frustrations and having a bad morning. But when incivility becomes a habit? When it defines their personality trait? Step away.

Protect Your Peace

These are not the people you need in your life, either personally or professionally. When forced to deal with high-conflict personalities, your best tool is strategic disengagement—protecting your own peace by refusing to feed their dysfunction.

Minimize contact to what is absolutely necessary. Do not stoop to their level. Do not engage. Smile and act kindly through the exchange, even if it pains you to do so. And one last word to the wise: Never start it—but finish it if you must.

Perhaps instead of assuming education automatically breeds class, we should establish a brand-new prerequisite: You must act like a grown-up if you want to be called a professional.