All posts tagged: handle

How to Handle Criticism Without Becoming Defensive

How to Handle Criticism Without Becoming Defensive

Published by Jenni Sidey

Many people come into my office believing that defensiveness (one of the Gottmans’ dreaded four horsemen) is a personal failing; however, you may be relieved to learn that defensiveness is actually an evolutionary holdover rather than a character flaw. Historically, criticism signaled an enemy, so building defenses—sometimes even attacking them before they attacked you—was functional for survival. Unfortunately, that defensiveness is dysfunctional for love. Whereas the Gottmans believe that contempt is the most lethal of the four horsemen, relationship expert Dr. Warren Farrell believes that defensiveness is the single biggest barrier to a happy relationship. In his book Role Mate to Soul Mate, Dr. Farrell posits that couples who want lasting intimacy must consciously override this biological defensiveness since willpower alone rarely calms a nervous system that has already been piqued. What Farrell offers to make partners feel safe is six mindsets designed to interrupt the defensive reflex before it hijacks a conversation. Here are Farrell’s six mindsets of receptivity Die for Partner: before listening, ask yourself whether you would risk your life for this …

GLM-5.3-Flash will likely handle 45% of your AI workloads

GLM-5.3-Flash will likely handle 45% of your AI workloads

Published by Miika Tikkanen

A week ago, a mystery model called Ox Alpha showed up on OpenRouter — one more entrant among more than 400 models, with roughly 10 new ones launching every week. What made it stand out wasn’t just the free price tag; it was quietly good. Hobbyists and indie developers noticed fast, pushing several trillion tokens through it daily, with community estimates for the week ranging from single digits to over 20 trillion. AI enthusiasts spent the next six days doing forensics and speculating who could have built it, and who could have the infrastructure to serve that many tokens for free. First the guess was a U.S. lab: the long-awaited Gemini, or Anthropic shipping a good-enough middle tier, or Elon sitting on so much capacity he dropped Ox Alpha (note the naming). People ran tokenizer traces and networking analysis. A real Sherlock Holmes mystery week. On August 26, Z.ai put its name on it. Ox Alpha was GLM-5.3-Flash. They’d been running it on public traffic on purpose, but the real surprise was not how good …

How to Handle High-Conflict, Rude Professionals

How to Handle High-Conflict, Rude Professionals

Published by Jenni Sidey

Why do professionals behave so unprofessionally? Is it not implied that one of the main tenets of spending years in school to earn an advanced degree is to learn how to exercise basic civility in everyday life? In fact, is it also not implied that one of the core principles of anyone interacting with people in life is to demonstrate basic civility? I recently had an incredibly unpleasant experience with another attorney. From the get-go, they were angry and nasty. No pleasantries. No Southern, honey-dripped, “How are y’all?” No Northern, brisk “Hello.” No explanation for their actions taken on behalf of their client—or their lack thereof. Trying a case against another attorney is not personal. Of course, it can be frustrating, exhausting, and triggering. But at the end of the day, each side is simply zealously representing their client. It isn’t personal. At least, it shouldn’t be. So why does opposing counsel treat me with such outright hostility? As if it’s personal? And why does a quick look at their client reviews reveal a laundry …

The Healthy Way to Handle Irreconcilable Differences

The Healthy Way to Handle Irreconcilable Differences

Published by Jenni Sidey

According to decades of research by psychologist John Gottman, a whopping 69% of relationship conflicts are “unresolvable.” What this means is that over two-thirds of the problems in relationships are due to irreconcilable differences in personality, parenting styles, political beliefs, core values, and patterns of behaviors that are likely to change around the same time the cows come home. Introverts and extroverts, morning people and night people, impulsives and planners, spenders and savers, adventure-seekers and security-seekers, dog people and cat people, bad boys and good girls. These are differences that can’t be solved, only managed, and trying to solve them only leads to frustration and gridlock. Relationships don’t start out this way, of course. Opposites famously attract, drawing you toward people who challenge or complement your dominant habits, thereby injecting balance, chemistry, novelty, and a kind of psychological adventure into your life. Under the influence of infatuation, even profound differences are of little concern, and for a period of time before the spell dissolves, you know you’re going to be adored, all your shortcomings magically …

‘Charismatic and extremely confident’: how to recognise

‘Charismatic and extremely confident’: how to recognise

Published by Sam Flores

Coming face to face with a probable psychopath was enough to make Dr Leanne ten Brinke rethink her career choices. Early in her 20s, while studying forensic psychology in Halifax, in the Canadian province of Nova Scotia, Ten Brinke was volunteering at a parole office, which would hold weekly group meetings for released sex offenders. “Most of the men showed contrition,” says Ten Brinke. “They really seemed to recognise the damage that they had done.” Except for one. The treatment programme seemed “like a game to him”, she says. One week, in a discussion about the impact their crimes had on victims, this rapist stared at Ten Brinke and, smiling slightly, started to say how much his victim looked like her, “and how I was ‘his type’. Clearly he was trying to scare me, and he did.” It put her off a career working with convicted criminals, but she remained fascinated with “dark personalities” – psychopathy, mainly, but also narcissism, machiavellianism (manipulating and exploiting others) and sadism. From politics to business to the media, it …

How to handle winter the Scandi way

How to handle winter the Scandi way

Published by Daniella Wilson

January’s darkness and chill can often feel bleak and depressing, but it doesn’t have to always feel that way. Despite enduring freezing temperatures, heavy snowfall and being submerged into darkness throughout most of winter, Scandinavians are known for their upbeat mindset and ability to embrace the colder months. Curious about how we can better prepare for the long, grey weeks ahead, we spoke with Danish cook, bestselling author and founder of the ScandiKitchen Brontë Aurell who shared some tips on how approach the colder months the Scandi way… Accept the darkness and cold that comes with the winter months The first stage is acceptance. “In Scandinavia we live in darkness for several months, so we know it’s coming and there’s no stopping it,” says Aurell. “I think that starting to accept the fact that it will be dark and cold for a few months helps sets the scene a little bit more. It makes it feel a little bit easier, because you feel like, OK, well, I know it’s coming so I can do something …