At a recent leadership summit, thoughtful actor Kristen Bell was interviewed by psychologist Adam Grant. The topic was people-pleasing. Bell describes herself as a people pleaser, hypervigilant about how other people are feeling and wanting to contribute to their feeling better. It can feel pretty terrible to be a people pleaser. Bell offers an example by acting out a scenario where she cannot get herself to explain that she wants a second coffee but without two creams. She cannot get the words out because she feels so bad about how it will come across. Because Bell is so charming, her experience is especially revealing. A people-pleasing attitude can interfere with even the most socially skilled person’s ability to voice a simple preference. What is behind this? Grant and Bell analyze the phenomenon together. What is people-pleasing really about? Bell explains how much she has thought about people-pleasing. She has begun to notice the energy wasted by it and how it only leads to pointless non-interactions with others. She has been considering whether she knows what …