All posts tagged: feelings

Why AI Can Know Your Interests but Miss Your Feelings

Why AI Can Know Your Interests but Miss Your Feelings

Published by Jenni Sidey

Personalized messages may reflect what we want without addressing why we hesitate. You have been looking at a course that could help your career. Soon, advertisements appear in your feed. They mention skills you want to develop, describe opportunities in your industry, and suggest that your next chapter is within reach. The messages seem relevant. You still do not sign up. Perhaps you want to progress but feel exhausted by the prospect of proving yourself again. Perhaps you are interested in leadership but reluctant to lose the parts of your job you enjoy. The course offers a clear next step when you are uncertain whether you want to continue in that direction. The message recognizes an interest. The decision involves a conflict. Marketing entrepreneur Furkat Kasimov, founder of AppLayerAI, argues that AI marketing would benefit from greater attention to the psychology behind consumer decisions. His perspective raises a useful question: How much does recognizing someone’s interests tell us about what makes choosing difficult? Personalized communication can feel accurate and incomplete at the same time. What …

“Am I Crazy?” Understanding Out-of-Body Feelings

“Am I Crazy?” Understanding Out-of-Body Feelings

Published by Jenni Sidey

Last year, a woman told me about a tree she’d grown drawn to on her morning walks, episodes of merging with it, her sense of self dissolving into overwhelming love and tears, then eventually a full sense of leaving her body. She began hearing a guiding inner voice, distinct from her own thoughts, that once pushed her to approach a homeless man near the tree. She started reading meaning into small coincidences, as if the world were sending her messages. At her lowest point, she considered checking herself into a psychiatric hospital, hoping medication would let her feel “normal” again. Her experience touched several things at once—a felt merging with nature, a guiding inner voice, meaning seen in coincidence—but it was the last part, the sense of leaving her body, that eventually became the center of her fear. That’s also where this piece will focus: the disembodiment feeling, and the question of what it means, clinically, when the “self” seems to leave the body. I share her story because she is far from alone in …

If You Want to Change Your Feelings, Change Your Beliefs

If You Want to Change Your Feelings, Change Your Beliefs

Published by Jenni Sidey

We can think of it as a chicken-and-egg thing: You have feelings—anger, anxiety, jealousy, resentment, whatever—which then stir up all kinds of thoughts. Or, no, you start thinking about what someone did, and that stirs up anger, anxiety, etc. There are both camps; many people I meet in my office tend to see emotions as the driver—I do what I do based on how I feel. I’m in the thought camp, but it’s not just everyday thoughts. It’s something more solid, more core—faulty beliefs, assumptions, and expectations. These are what precede and then fuel the subsequent emotion. Here are 4 of the most common belief drivers: 1. I should/shouldn’t do______. Beliefs in the form of shoulds are about rules, usually inherited from others—parents or authority figures. If you break the rule, and don’t do the “should,” you likely feel guilty and/or ashamed. 2. They should/shouldn’t do_________. It’s easy to transplant your shoulds onto others, expecting them to do what you think you should do. My boyfriend should listen and not be critical, or my boss …

Our Feelings Contradict Each Other, and That’s OK

Our Feelings Contradict Each Other, and That’s OK

Published by Jenni Sidey

In Part 1 of this series, I suggested a relational paradigm shift that could lead you to greater closeness and intimacy in your relationships and to feeling more heard and understood. Specifically, when your partner and you have different truths, when your experience and your partner’s don’t align, that you could adopt a both-and attitude rather than one of either or. An “and” not “but” system of relating. I encouraged you to accept and practice the right and right paradigm, rather than one of right and wrong. And furthermore, to treat other people’s versions of reality, different and contradictory though they may be, as equally valid and real, equally true, regardless of whether you agree with them, or if they make you feel good about yourself. In this post, rather than speak about both-and as it applies to your relationships with other people, I want to address how it plays out in your relationship with yourself. As human beings, our feelings are complicated, fluid, and usually inconsistent. We feel both positively and negatively, about almost …

Why We Sometimes Hide Our Feelings From the People We Love Most

Why We Sometimes Hide Our Feelings From the People We Love Most

Published by Jenni Sidey

It may seem surprising that the people we love most are often the ones we find hardest to be emotionally honest with. In therapy, I sometimes meet clients who can speak openly about frustrations with colleagues or friends, yet become noticeably more careful when the conversation turns to their family, particularly their parents. They describe difficult memories calmly, often emphasizing what their parents sacrificed or how much they appreciate them. At first glance, the emotional tone appears restrained, as if something important has been held back. When we slow down and explore the moment more carefully, the feeling is usually still present. What makes it difficult is not the emotion itself but the meaning attached to that emotion. In many families, especially those shaped by values such as filial piety, respect for elders, and the importance of maintaining harmony, emotional expression toward parents carries moral weight. Anger can feel like disrespect. Disappointment can feel like ingratitude. Even acknowledging certain emotions internally may create a sense of guilt. Because of this, people often learn to soften …

Are Feelings of Unworthiness Sabotaging Your Life?

Are Feelings of Unworthiness Sabotaging Your Life?

Published by Jenni Sidey

I’ve had a script running through my subconscious mind that says, “I am unworthy.” I’ve written in this space about self-esteem, but now I’d like to dig a little deeper and get more specific about how low self-esteem is formed, and what you can do about it. I love baseball; when I was a kid, I asked my parents to let me play Little League baseball several times. Finally, when I was nine and a half years old, my father consented. By that age, most of the boys in Little League had been playing for years—especially if they started out with T-ball at age 5. The learning curve for me was steep and was going to take a lot of work, but first, I needed a glove for catching baseballs. My father took me to the store to buy a glove. I immediately gravitated toward the best gloves—soft, supple, and already broken in. Dad, however, picked out the cheapest glove they had. The leather was hard and stiff, and when I put it on my …