If you listen to the cultural commentary about parenting, it can seem like modern parents are to blame for everything from screen addiction to the obesity epidemic to the youth mental health crisis. Today’s parents are also accused of being “helicopter parents” or “snowplow parents” who constantly worry about, and intervene in, their kids’ lives. The message is clear: Parents are too protective, too involved, and too anxious—and it’s harming kids.

Yet, how could parents not see children as fragile and vulnerable in the world we live in? Never in history have parents been so aware of what could potentially go wrong with their children. From the moment of conception, parents are inundated with information about possible risks to their children’s health and development. We have to complete countless screenings during pregnancy and early childhood which often result in false positives, the 24/7 news cycle informs us of every scary event that could ever happen to a child, social media tells us that everything we do is harming our children, and a quick Google search turns a mild symptom into a list of terrifying diagnoses. At the same time, however, the data actually show that childhood is safer than ever. So what happens when parents see children as more vulnerable and fragile than they really are? The history of research on a condition once called Vulnerable Child Syndrome may provide some insight.

Vulnerable Child Syndrome

In 1964, two pediatricians, Maurice Green and Dr. Albert Solnit, noticed a phenomenon in which parents of children who had fully recovered from medical conditions such as prematurity or pneumonia continued to see their child as vulnerable or fragile. They referred to this as Vulnerable Child Syndrome. These children were completely healthy but their previous condition made their parents view them as more vulnerable.

As the concept evolved, researchers began to use the term parental perception of child vulnerability (PPCV) to refer to this concept, rightly noting that the issue is really not the vulnerability of the child but the parent’s perception. Researchers found that this perception is common among parents with premature or low-birthweight children, childhood cancer survivors, and any child with a chronic illness. It can also emerge from relatively minor conditions and complications such as jaundice, feeding difficulties, colic, or croup, or from complications during conception, pregnancy, and delivery such as fertility issues, a history of pregnancy loss, or a high-risk pregnancy or delivery.

More recent research has revealed that parents may see their child as more vulnerable even when they aren’t at increased risk. For example, parents whose children receive false positive results in routine screenings are more likely to continue to see their child as vulnerable long after further tests confirm that there is no cause for concern.

How Does Vulnerable Child Syndrome Impact Parenting and Development?

The purpose of all of the screenings, warnings, and increased awareness is to help us to protect our children from potential harm but we need to consider whether all of these well-intentioned advances are negatively impacting how we parent and ultimately impeding our children’s development.

Researchers believe that seeing your child as more vulnerable may make you more overprotective and controlling as a parent—limiting your child’s ability to take the risks necessary to develop independent skills. Another study found that mothers of babies with jaundice were less likely to leave their infants with another caregiver and more likely to bring them to the doctor or emergency room even after the jaundice had been fully resolved

While these actions come from a place of care, they may limit a child’s ability to explore or learn from mistakes and may signal to a child that they are at risk or not as capable as other children. One study found that mothers who saw their children as more vulnerable were more likely to have children with worse language skills and fewer independent skills months later. Research also finds that when parents see their children as more vulnerable, those children show less advanced social emotional development. They are also more likely to have mental health and developmental problems.

Overall Translation

Given the increased monitoring of pregnancy and infancy and the increased awareness of everything that can go wrong (which, overall, is a positive thing!), it’s hard for all of us parents not to see our children as vulnerable in some way. So how do we prevent vulnerable child syndrome?

1. Empower your child. One potential downside of seeing your child as vulnerable is that you think they constantly need your “protection,” so instead of allowing them to learn how to face uncomfortable situations and regulate their own emotions, you are more likely to step in when they are uncomfortable. Make a conscious effort to reverse this trend by teaching your child coping skills and empowering them to know that they are capable of doing hard things and regulating their emotions when they do. My new book, What to Do When It’s Time to Calm Down, aims to help parents and their kids learn research-backed coping skills and feel empowered that they are capable of managing their own emotions.
2. Limit reassurance loops. When we are worried about our children, we can get caught in a “reassurance loop.” For example, if you are worried that something will happen to your child at night, you might check their video monitor every time the worry comes up. This behavior may give you temporary relief from anxiety and reassurance, but you may ultimately feel more anxious since you haven’t learned how to tolerate uncertainty. The urge to check the monitor was also rewarded by the temporary reassurance, so you are likely to feel the urge to check the monitor more and more frequently which, in turn, increases your anxiety, which then further increases your checking behavior—forming a vicious cycle that can be difficult to stop.
3. Challenge thoughts about your child’s vulnerability with actual evidence. Research has found that cognitive behavioral therapy (translation: therapy that addresses the underlying thought patterns) may help parents who see their child as vulnerable. You can challenge your thoughts by educating yourself on the real risks of what you are worrying about. For example, it may help your anxiety to know that the chance of a child being kidnapped by a stranger is extremely low (about ~1 in 740,000 per year in the United States).

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.