Emotionally intelligent individuals tend to dodge unnecessary drama by doing three things. They avoid petty power struggles, delay gratification, and always seem to have gratitude. Although these tendencies seem simple, they require a person to have self-discipline, a modest ego, and an ability to think, in meaningful ways, about the big picture.

Why Avoiding Petty Power Struggles Is Crucial

Avoiding petty power struggles is a feat. Disagreements with friends, colleagues, or family members about plans, time frames, or opinions about trivial things can test our patience and our ego strength. During these interactions, the person you are dealing with may “hit below the belt” to rattle you so they can gain the upper hand.

For example, on the first Tuesday of every month, you order lunch for your team at work. Your boss graciously picks up the tab, so you are mindful of the expense. The local Thai restaurant seems to be everyone’s favorite, including yours, and is reasonably priced. As you are putting in the order, your co-worker enters your office and says she and the entire team want sushi. You are dubious about this, but she insists. She acts like she is joking around and refers to you as a “suck up” while also insinuating that you are subpar at your job.

Although you are blindsided by the hurtful comments, you recognize that they are mischaracterizations, so you let them go. In your mind, immature people say immature things to disarm your confidence. You refrain from debating with her about the issue, and you order the sushi. Evading an elongated and painful conversation about what to order for lunch, and why her comments are unfair (which she may never see), leaves you with enough time to put the finishing touches on your important project before lunch.

Why Arguing Over Trivial Matters Leads to More Drama

Let’s face it, people who must always get their way and will debate a trivial matter for hours, or overpower people to get what they want, are missing the point of life. There are more important things to focus on, like putting a brilliant finish on an important work task. EI individuals who consider a deeper meaning and do not spend their time arguing about superficial things often have less drama. Moreover, confronting toxic comments may be fruitless because they are typically spoken by an individual who lacks self-awareness and empathy. Addressing it only gives their words more power.

Delaying immediate gratification is also imperative. An individual who can show self-restraint regarding pleasurable activities, usually understands and considers more meaningful priorities. They think deeply about how a self-focused act can impact those around them. Their empathy and consideration usually keeps their relationships healthy and without constant drama. And when the time arrives for them to treat themselves, they relish it even more.

Self-Restraint and Prioritizing Family Needs

For example, Lisa is a newly single mom. Her favorite purchase in autumn is fall boots. She spots the perfect pair but realizes that they are out of her budget. She thinks about the credit card in her wallet. She has just enough credit available to cover an emergency for herself and her kids if it occurs. Although she is tempted to buy the amazing boots, she decides against it and leaves the store. To her, having the ability to take care of her kids outweighs her passion for footwear and her need to be admired by her friends. She goes home and buffs up her old boots and is proud of herself for being a responsible mom.

Remaining grateful is also an emotionally intelligent trait. The EI person may have to mourn a disappointment or loss, but after they do, they quickly identify the positives about the situation. In addition, EI folks rarely take people for granted. They are exceedingly aware of what others do for them and seem to routinely provide “thanks” to the people in their life. They operate from a position of positivity, and it is not fake. They reflect and understand even the small blessings that bring them peace and contentment. Because they are grateful, and the people around them know that they are, there is less conflict. Conversely, an individual who perpetually feels like their life is harder than everyone else’s and feels like the people around them should be catering to them, cannot always transcend from a difficult time to a better time because they are entrenched in feeling sorry for themselves.

Although drama (conflict) is a part of every relationship, there are ways that EI people, largely, keep it at bay. Taking the high road instead of engaging in petty power struggles, limiting their selfish acts if it impacts loved ones, and always reminding themselves of what they have in place of what they do not, are ways that they keep their relationships relatively peaceful. You can find more information on this topic in my book, How to Outsmart a Narcissist, Use Emotional Intelligence to Regain Control at Home, work, and In Life.