Food rules are any guidelines you have about what, when, or how much you eat. At first glance, food rules can seem helpful. For example, a person may have a guideline around needing to eat a certain amount of protein or vegetables each day, not eating a lot of sugar, or limiting carbohydrates. In some circumstances, such as having a health condition or food allergy, certain food rules may be medically necessary.

In general, however, food rules tend to do more harm than good, particularly when rigidly held and followed. This is why.

The Dark Side of Food Rules

Food rules can lead to food restriction and not eating certain foods that you define as unhealthy or “bad.” In turn, these rules can lead to anxiety, social isolation, self-criticism, and guilt, especially if held rigidly or if broken.

You may call yourself “bad” or “good” based on what you eat, and whether you strictly follow your food rule. In this way, food rules become bigger than just food. You may come to tie what you eat to who you are as a person and your sense of self. You are “good” if you ate a salad at lunch, and “bad” if you ate a donut.

Much of the time, people adopt food rules due to a fear of gaining weight or wanting to lose weight. This creates and reinforces a mindset that you are valuable and worthy only if you are a certain size and shape, which leads to feeling unworthy if you are not that size.

Further, food rules tend to be rigid. They tend to be based on an all-or-nothing mentality that does not allow for flexibility or eating in a way that respects your body. For example, you may ignore your hunger cues and stop eating even if you are still hungry because you have a rule of only eating a certain amount of food.

Restricting food or not eating certain foods can also create and maintain a restrict-binge eating cycle, such that eating high-calorie or satisfying foods is avoided, which leads to strong urges to eat these “bad” or “forbidden” foods, and feeling a loss of control and a sense that you can’t stop eating when you finally eat them. You then work hard to again avoid these foods, and the pattern becomes cyclical.

Further, rigid food rules tend to lead to a preoccupation with food. It may seem like food rules would lessen thoughts of food as they provide a structure to follow. Yet research has demonstrated that the more certain foods are regarded as forbidden, and the more people try to restrict those foods, the more preoccupied with the foods they become. In this way, food rules create more stress about food.

How to Start Letting Go of Your Food Rules

Instead of eating based on rigid rules that set you up to feel stressed, anxious, and dissatisfied, it is helpful to shift to making flexible food choices that honor your body and how you feel in the moment and create more ease and self-compassion over time.

Below are ways you can practice breaking food rules.

• Nonjudgmentally write down your food rules. Write down all the food rules you have. Practice not judging or evaluating them. Just write them down. Add to the list as additional food rules come to mind.
• Rank these rules as the least stressful to break to the most anxiety-inducing to break.
• Pick one of the least stressful rules on your list and think about how you can gently change or break the rule in a safe, low-pressure environment. For example, if you have a rule of no eating after 7pm, but you notice you feel hungry around 9pm, you may practice having a snack. Then, repeatedly break the rule until it feels easy to do, and you feel emotionally neutral about it. In other words, you don’t feel guilty. Then, move on to another rule.
• Notice any guilt you may feel after changing/breaking a food rule, and remind yourself that food is not “good” or “bad”; it just is, and your character or value as a person is not based on what you eat.
• Focus on addition, not subtraction. Instead of thinking about restricting or not eating certain foods, adopt an addition mindset where you focus on foods you can add that allow you to feel satisfied.
• Practice self-compassion. If you notice being self-critical or judging yourself, pause, take a breath, and repeat a self-compassionate statement to yourself, such as “This is difficult, and I am taking steps to be kind to myself.” Be patient with yourself. Changing how you think about food and eating, and breaking food rules, is not easy.

With practice, it is possible to break unhelpful food rules, feel more comfortable with your body and yourself, and feel more ease and satisfaction around food.