Most of us have, at some time or another, been advised just to be ourselves. Perhaps it was before a job interview or a first date. Maybe it is advice we ourselves have given to others. It is probably the best advice a person can ever get. At the same time, it is also the worst.

The best because authenticity really is the key to a more fulfilling life. The research clearly shows that more authentic people are happier and more satisfied in their lives. But the worst because the phrase itself, “to be yourself,” is a flimsy expression that fails to convey the complexity of what it means to lead an authentic life. It is always going to be a problem trying to articulate a nuanced philosophical notion in a pithy sentence. It confuses as much as it enlightens.

But it is a phrase that is deeply entrenched in popular culture and has become a mantra in the self-help movement, encouraging people to express themselves openly and honestly rather than pretend to be someone they are not to please others.

But I will add another interpretation. The other people we might want to please are often not directly in front of us but can be voices in our minds that echo from the past. They might be the voices of teachers or parents from long ago in our lives. But they have become voices so deep within us that we don’t actually recognize them as coming from others. They are voices so familiar that they seem like our own.

Seen like this, the advice to be yourself might be better interpreted as not pretending to ourselves to be someone we are not, and learning to be open and honest with ourselves.

Authenticity means understanding ourselves, having awareness of our inner bodily, emotional, and cognitive states, being honest with ourselves, and possessing the ability to be openly expressive of these states with others. But it doesn’t mean that we always have to say whatever is on our mind; it is as much about knowing when to keep quiet.

Indeed, the idea that authenticity is always about saying what you think or feel is one of the most common misperceptions about the concept. Authenticity is, first and foremost, about what goes on inside a person.

Colloquially, we talk about being ourselves, but when we get deep into what authenticity is, it is more accurate to say that it is more about not being the self you are but becoming the self you could be.

Authenticity means going through the difficult process of unlearning the deep-seated conditions we have internalized about who we should be—a task that is ongoing over a lifetime.

Each day we make hundreds of small decisions. A lot of the time, we might do so without much thought. We are on automatic pilot, running on the voices in our minds that echo from the past. Authenticity is about being open and honest with ourselves about the decisions we make in each and every moment and how we make them.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you feel free to make your own choices?
• Do you feel free to express your views and opinions?
• Do you feel you can be yourself on a day-to-day basis?
• Do you feel you are completely honest with yourself?

If you said no to any of these questions—and especially to the last question—you might be living a life that is less true to yourself than you would like. We can change our lives by striving for greater authenticity, but it is an ongoing, lifelong journey. It is a journey that starts right now, and in each and every small moment of our lives, and the choices we make, and how much our decisions and actions are the result of us being open and honest with ourselves.

Excerpted from my book Authentic: How to Be Yourself and Why It Matters.