Let me begin by stating a fact: I am a big proponent of letting kids play freely on the weekend and over breaks. That said, there seems to be a glorified image of a totally free summer in which kids can do whatever they want from wake-up until bedtime. The reality is more grim than the dream.

The reality is that the relaxing feeling of having nothing to do and no pressure quickly turns into boredom for kids and teens. Why is that? Because we humans actually thrive with some structure. I am not talking about a dawn til dusk treadmill of camps, practices, classes, etc. I’m talking about some plan for our days in which we have things that we can depend on.

Structure helps to regulate our daily rhythms, like sleeping and eating. When we sleep at around the same time each day, we sleep better and typically have less trouble falling asleep. When we eat at around the same time, we feel hungry for meals and eat a healthy amount. We may not notice it, but it can stress our nervous systems when eating and sleeping are unpredictable. It’s not just eating and sleeping; overall, kids are less stressed and happier when their lives are somewhat predictable. And research shows that kids engage in more unhealthy behaviors when their time is unstructured than when it is structured¹.

When behaviors are done regularly, they become habitual. We don’t have to work hard to motivate our habits the way we may have to with infrequent activities². When kids don’t have much planned or scheduled in the summer, and then a caregiver suggests a trip to the pool, kids may refuse the fun option. This is because kids have to work harder to overcome inertia (being sedentary makes an outing more effortful) and motivate themselves to do something new. Bottom line: They’re out of habit.

Here’s another interesting tidbit research has found about routines: They reduce stress and anxiety³. When we don’t have something scheduled or planned that we can depend upon, we have to make decisions about how to spend our time. Hour after hour, day after day of decision-making all summer can lead to mental fatigue in kids.

So what can parents do? Here are a few tips to help kids get the best of both worlds: the feeling of summer freedom without lots of boredom, lethargy, and even stress or anxiety.

1. Start the summer with goals.
   Sit down with your kids toward the end of the school year and ask them to think about anything they might want to achieve or do over the summer. When they are still in school mode (or close to it), they are less likely to fight you on thinking about goals. These goals can help your family create structure for summer. Let’s say your child wants to improve their soccer skills. You can help them think through options of how they might do this and how they can notice improvements. If your child wants to do creative projects, you can figure out if there’s some sort of outcome they’d like to achieve (e.g., make enough friendship bracelets for their friends).
2. Talk about how you can support their goals.
   It’s not your job to help them meet their goals, but most kids will need your support. Young kids may need rides or for you to sign up for and pay for activities; older kids may need to coordinate sharing a family car. If, for instance, your child wants to improve their swim speed, you might plan regular trips to the town pool or sign them up for swim lessons or swim team. If your child wants to redecorate their room, you can support them by taking them to the store to get supplies to paint their room and even plan out the new room design.
3. Help them be realistic.
   The point is not for summer to be as packed (and stressful) as the school year. If your child sets a goal of making their own movie over the summer, talk about what they would need to do so, and if your family can support this plan. Unrealistic goals can lead to frustration and failure. But sometimes kids can accomplish something bigger than they expected that can make the summer feel very worthwhile.
4. Help them be specific.
   If your child has a vague goal like “spend more time with family” or “play with friends,” help them think through what they enjoy doing to create a more specific goal. Maybe your child loves playing games with family, so you create a summertime family game night. Or maybe your child has a few friends who love cooking, so they decide to set up a summer cooking challenge with friends.

1. Don’t be afraid to call it out when things aren’t working.
   Parents often hesitate to be more proactive in the summer because they don’t want to nag. But having a kid or two or three lying around, saying they’re bored or rotting on devices, is not a good thing. Think about ways to help with the summer inertia. Perhaps you go to the pool or park earlier in the day to get them some active play time. Maybe you have a friend come pick them up to help them get out the door. Or you use a “when… then…” to help them make a good choice, like “when you finish breakfast and clean up your dishes, you can have screen time.”

Kids may fight you about summer structure, but know they will have a happier, lower-stress summer if their days have a rhythm and activities that are entertaining.