‘Tis the season for holiday parties. Family parties. Friend parties. And, you guessed it, work parties! Are you excited?
You may be exceptionally excited about this festive time of year, or maybe you are a bit more “meh” about the whole thing. That’s because there are several kinds of party people. We, as researchers, are interested in happiness, so partying (i.e., bringing people together to socialize) should be right up our alley. Except it’s not. And that’s because parties aren’t for everyone.
The “pro-party” crowd is excited for boisterous fun in noisy places with longtime friends and acquaintances, new people, and endless appetizers. The “party passers” think all that sounds like a bit much—a quiet night at home would be way more enjoyable.
These two types of party people have vastly different personalities, and the degree to which you are extraverted or introverted plays a major role in which camp you identify with.
The extraverts are outgoing, sociable, energetic, optimistic, and willing to take on leadership roles because they are confident. Extraverts are said to have a positive emotional core that leads them to greater happiness. They are the life of the party, floating from conversation to conversation, a smile on their face and a sparkle in their eye.
The introverts like to sit back and watch. They are introspective and enjoy their alone time. They prefer one-on-one interactions that lead to more in-depth conversations. They are happy for different reasons and are often misread and mistreated because they are perceived as “quiet” or standoffish rather than reserved. They are like the cats that live in the house where the party is happening. You may not notice them, but they notice everything.
If you read this and see parts of yourself in both categories, we have some news for you: You are an ambivert! You can give them the old razzle-dazzle at the party for a limited amount of time. You then need to escape to your home and zone out in some quiet for a bit. We get you. We are you.
As professors, we recognize that improvisational performance plays an important role in creating an engaging and meaningful in-class experience. And so we give our classes our all. We are gregarious and animated for our students and colleagues. On the surface, we seem very outgoing and personable, but we need our alone time to decompress and recover from all the hoopla. That is why we have a problem with parties. Work parties in particular.
We like our colleagues. We admire many of them. We even socialize with some of them. But we frequently send our regrets when the holiday party invitations come around. After years of excuses and guilt, we have finally given ourselves permission to just… not go. If you don’t want to go and can get away with it, don’t go! Saying no can feel like a little gift to yourself. Consider it self-care.
We are tenured full professors, so there isn’t much that can be done to pressure us (aside from the few people in our lives who know exactly how to peer pressure us). Your circumstances may differ. Maybe you feel like you need to be at the mixer for professional reasons, and maybe you’re not wrong. We understand, and we think we can help.
First, fellow ambiverts and introverts out there must wisely pick and choose the parties they attend. If you can fulfill your social obligations without experiencing sensory overload, anxiety, and social fatigue, so much the better. Not only will you enjoy smaller get-togethers more, you will have more to contribute.
Second, let yourself recharge. You have permission to step away and come back refreshed. Check your breathing; if it is forced or you are holding your breath, then find a quiet spot and go through some breathing exercises to get yourself back to normal. We’ve even been known to step away from parties we’ve hosted.
Third, try a bit of pretend. Personally, we’ve had success in the moment pretending to be someone more socially savvy than we are. This can feel like a workout, and it kind of is. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. In fact, these kinds of exercises can be an effective means of introducing cognitive behavioral therapy, reducing social anxiety, and improving social skills.
Fourth, remember that introversion is a strength! Somewhere inside that big party is an intimate and meaningful conversation waiting to happen, so just be yourself. As we mentioned in a previous post, being yourself is a great way to connect with people who have similar interests and traits.
For ambiverts, the work party is especially tricky. It feels like an exhausting choreographed dance. We may start strong with the revels and karaoke (just kidding—please don’t ever invite us to a karaoke party) but we simply can’t keep it up. At a certain point, we must leave for our own self-preservation. That early departure might be misinterpreted as rudeness or a lack of commitment to (somewhat forced) workplace socialization, but give yourself a little grace. You did your part.
If you are the one in charge of throwing the workplace party, we are here to help! There is academic research on what makes for a successful workplace holiday party and what does not. To create the perfect festive environment, you need fun activities, good music, tasty food, and alcoholic and nonalcoholic beverages. Additionally, consider taking the party off-site because employees like a change of scenery, and be sure the organization’s leaders participate because it shows commitment. What you don’t want to do is require attendance, allow unlimited trips to the bar, institute an employee gift exchange, and, for goodness sake, don’t let anyone give a speech! All of these things have been shown to negatively affect employee experience.
A work celebration that follows these suggestions has some serious benefits to your organization. First, the employees will feel valued when they attend a well-planned event because it shows that the organization cares. Second, a good party brings employees together and creates positive interpersonal relationships. Finally, a good party is fun and will leave a lasting impression and lead to higher employee satisfaction.
The way these get-togethers cluster around the holidays can add more stress to the mix. Holidays mean decorating, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and tension-filled negotiations around time spent with loved ones. As a result, the holidays can reduce life satisfaction and amplify feelings of isolation. So, if just thinking about all of these parties has you feeling like Scrooge, it’s OK. We suggest engaging in our favorite research-backed relaxation techniques shown to enhance psychological well-being and improve cognitive function. Step one: Change into your favorite and most comfortable clothes. Step two: Go sit on your couch.
No matter what kind of party person you are, we hope you have a wonderful holiday season filled with just the right amount of the right kind of celebration.