All posts tagged: long time

What Does It Really Mean to Be ‘Codependent’?

What Does It Really Mean to Be ‘Codependent’?

[ad_1] According to the internet, it’s very possible that I am “codependent.” Do I try to fix the problems of my loved ones? Sometimes, yes. Am I sacrificing “who I am” in my relationships with my husband, children, and parents? If you put it in those terms, probably. Could the level of responsibility I feel for others be classified as “exaggerated”? Oof—maybe. To be codependent, according to some TikTok talking heads, advice columnists, celebrities, and mental-health advocates, is to care too much, try to control others, and be terrible with boundaries. Beyond that, diagnostic criteria can get a bit fuzzy. The support group Co-Dependents Anonymous offers a long list of traits, including being too submissive, too bossy, too sensitive, and too avoidant, and says on its website that “the only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy & loving relationships.” Meanwhile, the nonprofit Mental Health America says that codependency is another term for “relationship addiction”. This ambiguity exists in part because codependency is not in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders; nor …

The New American Nihilism – The Atlantic

The New American Nihilism – The Atlantic

[ad_1] This is Work in Progress, a newsletter about work, technology, and how to solve some of America’s biggest problems. Sign up here. Several years ago, the political scientist Michael Bang Petersen, who is based in Denmark, wanted to understand why people share conspiracy theories on the Internet. He and other researchers designed a study that involved showing American participants blatantly false stories about Democratic and Republican politicians, such as Bernie Sanders, Ted Cruz, Hillary Clinton, and Donald Trump. The subjects were asked: Would you share these stories online? The results seemed to defy the logic of modern politics or polarization. “There were many people who seemed willing to share any conspiracy theory, regardless of the party it hurt,” Petersen told me. These participants didn’t seem like stable partisans of the left or right. They weren’t even negative partisans, who hated one side without feeling allegiance to the other. Above all, they seemed drawn to stories that undermined trust in every system of power. Petersen felt as though he’d tapped a new vein of nihilism …

The Peculiar Merging of Couples’ Personalities

The Peculiar Merging of Couples’ Personalities

[ad_1] Psychologists occasionally talk about the “Michelangelo phenomenon”: Over time, romantic partners start to slowly change each other, like sculptors chipping away at blocks of marble. Could I help you find a therapist? one might ask their beloved. What if we started jogging together? Hmm, wearing the fedora again? Eventually—the hope goes—they’ll have chiseled a masterpiece of a companion. The result isn’t always a perfect David, but the point is that relationships mold people. And some researchers have found that when that happens, the art tends to look conspicuously like the artist. They call this convergence—when partners grow more and more alike. Research suggests that couples can begin to resemble each other in personality, well-being, emotional responses, and health. One study followed couples, who had been together for an average of nearly four decades, over the course of eight years; partners matched each other’s baselines in traits such as openness, agreeableness, and neuroticism, and their fluctuations in those traits were synchronized too. Other studies have found that couples start sharing smell and taste preferences, hormone …

How We Became Addicted to Therapy

How We Became Addicted to Therapy

[ad_1] A few months ago, as I was absent-mindedly mending a pillow, I thought, I should quit therapy. Then I quickly suppressed the heresy. Among many people I know, therapy is like regular exercise or taking vitamin D: something a sensible person does routinely to clear out the system. BetterHelp ran an ad where a woman says she’s ignoring a guy’s texts because he doesn’t see a therapist. “Hard pass,” she explains. “Red flag.” Therapy for many people has no natural endpoint. It’s just “baked into my life,” as one patient told the psychiatrist Richard Friedman, explaining why he’d been seeing a therapist for the past 15 years. Therapy is so destigmatized now that a lot of us sound like therapists. We’re “codependent,” “triggered,” “catastrophizing.” We cut off our friends who are toxic. Justin Bieber doesn’t fear an exposé on the damage of childhood fame; he freely discusses his trauma and healing. Oprah wonders what happened to you. And once you figure it out, you’ll find hours of free advice on TherapyTok. Friedman, who has …

Jodie Foster’s Life On-screen – The Atlantic

Jodie Foster’s Life On-screen – The Atlantic

[ad_1] Jodie Foster has spent much of her career playing the lonely woman under pressure. A young FBI agent-in-training having an underground tête-à-tête with a cannibalistic serial killer. A scientist launching into space, solo. A mild-mannered radio host who becomes a vigilante after strangers assault her and kill her boyfriend. A mother whose child vanishes in the middle of a transatlantic flight. A wife whose husband is having a suicidal psychotic break and will talk to her only through a hand puppet. It’s not a relaxing oeuvre. Explore the Special Preview: April 2024 Issue Check out more from this issue and find your next story to read. View More There are exceptions, of course; Freaky Friday (1976), which Foster made just after Martin Scorsese’s grisly Taxi Driver, was a family-friendly romp. But her 58 years in film, which began during her preschool days, have been almost entirely devoted to outsider characters—women who are emotionally isolated, fighting to be believed, striking out perilously on their own. For a long time, this was how Foster liked it. …

Alexei Navalny’s Last Laugh – The Atlantic

Alexei Navalny’s Last Laugh – The Atlantic

[ad_1] A dark, satiric sensibility is a basic qualification for anyone in the Russian opposition. Those leaders I knew in Moscow, before I left Russia in 2022, liked to crack jokes during interviews with journalists and to judges at court hearings. Boris Nemtsov, though he had been arrested many times and knew he should worry for his life, would laugh at President Vladimir Putin’s Russia as the “gangster state of absurdity.” He told the story of the time pro-Putin activists had sent a prostitute to his vacation hotel in a bungled attempt to fabricate kompromat. In 2015, Nemtsov was shot in his back as he strolled across a bridge near the Kremlin. Some of his associates thought that it was, in the end, his mockery of Putin that had marked him out as a target for assassination. (Nemtsov and I shared a name, but we were not related.) When I learned of Alexei Navalny’s death in prison on Friday, I posted on social media a picture of him with Nemtsov: both with big, radiant smiles, …

How to Think Big Like Schopenhauer

How to Think Big Like Schopenhauer

[ad_1] Want to stay current with Arthur’s writing? Sign up to get an email every time a new column comes out. “How do you write a book?” Like most authors, I get this question often. Sometimes, I find that the person is asking about overcoming specific obstacles, such as getting started (answer: first spend three months talking about your idea to anyone who will listen) and how to deal with writer’s block (answer: lower your self-imposed standards and just get words down). But sometimes, underlying the question is a more general curiosity or concern about how to do a really big thing requiring a great deal of time and intense personal discipline. A similar question might be “How do you run a marathon?” or “How do you play the piano?” People want to know how to do a big thing because in a life full of quotidian trivia, a major project—even if it isn’t necessary to support oneself—conveys significance and permanence. It can be proof to oneself of being able to accomplish something out of …

Take a Vacation From Therapy

Take a Vacation From Therapy

[ad_1] About four years ago, a new patient came to see me for a psychiatric consultation because he felt stuck. He’d been in therapy for 15 years, despite the fact that the depression and anxiety that first drove him to seek help had long ago faded. Instead of working on problems related to his symptoms, he and his therapist chatted about his vacations, house renovations, and office gripes. His therapist had become, in effect, an expensive and especially supportive friend. And yet, when I asked if he was considering quitting treatment, he grew hesitant, even anxious. “It’s just baked into my life,” he told me. Among those who can afford it, regular psychotherapy is often viewed as a lifelong project, like working out or going to the dentist. Studies suggest that most therapy clients can measure their treatments in months instead of years, but a solid chunk of current and former patients expect therapy to last indefinitely. Therapists and clients alike, along with celebrities and media outlets, have endorsed the idea of going to therapy …

Think Twice Before Taking the Top Job

Think Twice Before Taking the Top Job

[ad_1] Want to stay current with Arthur’s writing? Sign up to get an email every time a new column comes out. I teach many young adults who aspire to be leaders in the private and public sectors. In their classes, they study inspiring cases of success, but they also learn that a good education is no guarantee that things will go well for them. Indeed, as the Harvard Business Review reminds us, some 50 to 70 percent of new executives in private business fail in their role within 18 months of being hired or promoted. We don’t have comparable numbers for the public and nonprofit sectors, but success is far from assured there as well. The reasons usually presented for leadership failure are predictable enough: an inability to build a team, poor communication skills, an unwillingness to do hard things, selfishness, misconduct or moral turpitude, and so forth. But one huge reason that I have seen again and again almost never gets serious attention: Leaders fail when they hate being the leader. People commonly assume …

Why So Many Americans Are Traveling Back to Their Roots

Why So Many Americans Are Traveling Back to Their Roots

[ad_1] The first generation of immigrants wants to survive, the second wants to assimilate, and the third wants to remember, the sociologist Marcus Lee Hansen wrote in 1938. The fourth, fifth, and sixth? Apparently they now want to go on a luxury vacation to visit the Welsh coal mines their ancestors crossed an ocean to escape. So-called heritage tourism has grown into its own travel category, like skiing and whale watching. In 2019, an Airbnb survey found that the share of people traveling to “trace their roots” worldwide had increased by 500 percent since 2014; the company announced that it was teaming up with 23andMe, the DNA-testing service, to meet this demand, offering trips to clients’ ancestral homelands. Ancestry, the company behind the family-search website, has partnered with a travel agency. The governments of Germany and Scotland have websites devoted to heritage tourism. Conde Nast Traveller is all over this trend. In Dublin, the Shelbourne Hotel’s “genealogy butler” can research your Irish side, if you so please. The Conte Club, a boutique travel service known …