All posts tagged: Gaslight

The 3 Most Devastating Ways Partners Gaslight You

The 3 Most Devastating Ways Partners Gaslight You

As a therapist, I frequently hear painful stories from clients who are grappling with the confusing and often subtle dynamics of gaslighting in their relationships. Gaslighting, a form of emotional manipulation, is designed to make someone question their perception of reality. It’s insidious because it can be so gradual and covert that you don’t even realize it’s happening—until your sense of self is deeply damaged. Below are the three most common ways relationship partners gaslight each other, drawn from real-life counseling experiences. 1. Denying Your Reality: “That Never Happened” Esther, a 32-year-old marketing professional, came into therapy because her once-loving relationship with Matt had turned toxic. “I would bring up things he said or did—things I know happened,” Esther whispered. “But every time, he’d look at me like I was crazy. He’d say, ‘I never said that,’ or ‘You’re imagining things.’” Over time, Esther began questioning her memory, often apologizing for things she wasn’t even sure she did wrong. This form of gaslighting involves outright denial of facts. Matt’s constant refutation of Esther’s experiences slowly …

Therapy Programs May Gaslight Domestic Abuse Victims

Therapy Programs May Gaslight Domestic Abuse Victims

Even highly experienced therapists, with long track records of effective work with families and children, are flummoxed by couples whose disputes and hostility extend beyond their divorce. They describe this persistent animosity as “one of the most complicated areas of their practice.” Frustrated and apparently powerless, therapists themselves feel caught in the bitter ‘middle’ and withdraw their efforts not only because they do not see any benefit from their work, but also because children, in the course of this therapeutic work, show increased symptoms of distress. This is probably because, through therapy, children become more aware of their very difficult, divided emotions and their own helplessness. Seeking their parents’ help with their own needs, these children realize, would only serve as fuel in the war between their parents. Parental conflict can seem essential to parental protection Post-divorce conflict has increased and intensified over the past two decades. Some therapists believe this results from the well-meaning and largely positive practice of assigning legal parental authority to both parents. When one or both see the other as …

Why Do Narcissistic Parents Gaslight Their Adult Children?

Why Do Narcissistic Parents Gaslight Their Adult Children?

Source: Sofia Rotaru / Unsplash Co-authored by Jenifer Freedy Are you the adult child of a parent who exhibits narcissism? The term narcissism comes from Greek mythology. The legend describes Narcissus falling deeply in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to look away, Narcissus eventually falls into the water and dies. As therapists who help adults process childhood trauma and complex family dynamics, those raised by parents with narcissistic tendencies often come to ask: What creates such an intense self-orientation in a parent? Although researchers cite various contributing factors, we invite people to see narcissism as a personality deficit in two important, developmental areas: theory of mind and ego strength. Theory of Mind Theory of mind is a complex set of neurophysiological and social-emotional experiences that allow us to perceive ourselves, others, or the world with accuracy.1 In childhood, most of us learn to distinguish the mental states of ourselves and others, helping us recognize that others can have different experiences than us. We come to understand that these differences …