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Psychologist Explains Why Forgiveness Sometimes Does More Harm Than Good

Psychologist Explains Why Forgiveness Sometimes Does More Harm Than Good


Oftentimes we hear that having grace and forgiving those who’ve hurt us is important when trying to find closure, move on, and heal. 

However, a psychologist named Dr. Ramani Durvasula, who specializes in guiding healing from narcissistic relationships, shared some honest advice about why people shouldn’t get caught up in the semantics of forgiveness.

The psychologist explained why forgiveness sometimes does more harm than good. 

“How do we forgive someone who’s hurt us so badly as a narcissist?” Dr. Ramani was asked by Lewis Howes during an episode of his podcast “The School of Greatness.”

Giving an honest answer, Dr. Ramani pointed out that we don’t actually have to forgive, and it often doesn’t serve any purpose in our journey of healing after being in a toxic situation with an individual who has brought us nothing but pain.

Dr. Ramani explained that we shouldn’t feel an obligation to forgive someone who has “hijacked” our souls and made it impossible to find peace on this earth. “Maybe there is no forgiveness for that,” she revealed.

“The pressure to forgive has led some people to feel guilty their whole lives [or] prematurely forgive,” she told Howes. “There’s a really interesting body of literature out there that suggests that if we forgive someone who reperpetrates it significantly harms the well-being of the forgiver.”

RELATED: 4 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Deciding To Forgive Someone

She insisted that all of the research that claims forgiving someone for harming you will make you feel better, or take a weight off your chest, is wrong.

The reality is that sometimes the person you’re forgiving will still be in your life as many people are unable to leave relationships that they formed with a narcissist completely.

“Some people continue to have contact with the family members. They continue to stay in the relationship. They may not have a choice, not everyone can leave. It’s not how it works most of the time,” she continued.

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